Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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