Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
