I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
