you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
