I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
