IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
