I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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