Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
