I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Will exercising make me less horny?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
