i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
