Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i drank out of a bidet.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
