A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
