so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so let's talk penis.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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