I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
