im having a threesome with these popsicles
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
