No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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