Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
