I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
