Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
