dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
