so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
