Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
