So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
