my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
