I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Operation Purity has been aborted
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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