accomplished twins. life is a go
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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