I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
