Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Couch. On fire.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
