I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize