And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
