Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
