i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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