Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
