Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
