Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
