He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
