my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
