We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
