ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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