I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
