I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
