I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
