***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
