I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
