Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
