Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
