I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
