k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
