i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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