Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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