You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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