If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Drunk is not a location!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
