the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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