Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
