when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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