last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
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