He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
