operation harelip BJ is a go
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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