i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
