u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
