Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
