..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
