how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
